my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he thought i was a dude.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
