I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
