you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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