Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
a search helicopter?!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
