Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
