my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
