i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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