cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
