It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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