he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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