She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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