Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
