he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
