He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
