I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
