is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
