do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
