I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
