I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
