Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
