Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
