I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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