I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
