in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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