matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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