i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
