Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
