i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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