Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
