he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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