is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
