I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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