bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
