I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
