I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
