so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
