I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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