im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
