Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
