I love black thongs
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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