So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
