I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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