You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
