The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
