he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
