im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
