he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
