dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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