Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
