sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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