He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
