you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
