basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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